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Delete or not to Delete

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Wrote this last week on August 25th at 8pm. Couldn’t post, I was too upset or embarrassed or humiliated or all of it. It’s a short one so:

This last week was very hard for us. We found ourselves moping quietly to ourselves and arguing about the usual marital home stuff but with way more emotion that either of us meant. We’re doomed. With me not working and QH having just started a great paying job, we’re not equipped to just go out and buy $500-700 .5 or 1 cc vials of sperm. Basically, we’re screwed.

I guess if I wasn’t 41 years old, there’d be no hurry or consequential despair. But because I’m not at my ideal weight or at my most fertile age, the explosive may not get diffused in time. Queer Hubby, wanting to transition as soon as the baby thing is resolved, under no circumstances, wants to be pregnant. No way.

And in case you’re wondering if our former donor had ever contacted us in the last week, nope. I’ve had to hide him and his bf in my feed because I’m having a hard time keeping my stomach from flipping. He’s not going to write until he’s ready, if at all. Right now, I’m still extremely pained that he quit the way he did. It’s taking a lot of strength not to delete both of them. I wonder why either of them are acting like it’s not a big deal and going on with their lives.

One response »

  1. Pingback: Insurance…and new developments « Queer Hubby

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